Always Goodbye
by coldfusion9797
Summary: Ash asks Brax to plead not guilty to Dean's murder. Ash/Brax.


**Warning! This is an Ash/Brax slashfic. Also contains infidelity. (Something I detest in real life but worked in this fic.) Enjoy, if I haven't scared everyone off already...**

This might be the last time. Ash sat outside his caravan with Brax. All they were doing was a having a yarn and drinking some beer and the fact that they were free to do so could have made it so sweet. Just a little while ago it had been like that, but now a cloud hung over them. And there was no point in pretending it wasn't there because the shadow it cast was undeniable.

When Ash was released from prison late last year, after a half-arsed look for Billie, the first thing he'd done was come looking for Brax. Ash had spent most of his adult life inside. Brax was the one connection he had to the outside world and he'd needed that. And now Brax was going away. Ash looked over at his best mate and tried to imagine what he'd do without him. He couldn't.

"I don't know how to do this without you," he admitted quietly. Brax turned wary blue eyes on him and Ash forgot to breathe while he waited to see how Brax would react. A million things passed unsaid between them. In prison things had been different. Brax had no obligations and they'd found comfort in each other. As much as Ash would like to go back to that relatively uncomplicated relationship they couldn't. Brax had Ricky now. And yeah maybe Brax would have waited if he'd known Ash would come for him, but they'd never talked about it and so he hadn't. He'd gotten on with his life and Ash couldn't hold that against him. Still, the prospect of saying goodbye again was hard to bear.

Brax stood up.

"I'm gonna get another beer. Want one?" It was an excuse. An escape. He didn't wait for an answer before he disappeared inside the van.

Ash couldn't accept that. They couldn't keep pretending this wasn't happening. Before they knew it Brax might be gone and the chance would be lost.

Ash got up and followed him. Inside he found Brax just standing there, frozen as the weight of what was to come pressed down on him. He was about to lose years of his life. Ash had suffered that too. Though he wasn't sure if he'd already done time, and knew what was to come, that he'd have been able to willingly go back. That's what Brax was faced with. Ash didn't know if that made him brave or stupid.

All Ash could do now was comfort his friend. He wanted to do that; God knew Ricky was no help. All she did was cry and lay blame, it wasn't what a man in Brax's position needed. All he needed was to know that someone cared, that he wasn't alone. He couldn't stand idly by and be a silent witness to Brax's suffering.

Ash had been respectful of Brax's choices and kept his distance, but he couldn't do that anymore. Just being in his life had been enough but if these were Brax's last days of freedom he couldn't let them slip by without letting the bloke know how much he meant to him.

Ash stepped into Brax's personal space and lifted a hand, letting it come to rest over Brax's heart. He searched Brax's eyes for a sign of their old connection. It was there, of course it was. They'd understood each other since the moment they met. Brax brought a hand up and slid it behind Ash's neck. Their lives were so unfair.

"Another goodbye," Ash sighed. "Is it always gonna be like this for us?"

Brax dipped his headed and pressed his lips to Ash's in a sudden and familiar gesture. Ash returned the kiss, his senses flooding with remembrances from their prison days. Back then their lives had consisted of days fighting to stay alive and nights letting their guard down and giving what comfort they could to each other. Just the two of them, facing whatever shit came their way. Together. Then Brax's release had come through and they'd said goodbye, both of them knowing that they'd just done what they'd had to to survive the horrors of prison life. Only as the days had crawled by towards his own release Ash had realised that wasn't true. It was more than that.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Ash wondered if this was a good idea. He'd pretty much accepted a relationship with Brax was something he would never have. Was he just opening an old wound? Or creating a new one that might never heal? Brax would be out of reach soon. He ignored the thought, having learned a long time ago to take what he could, when he could, because you never knew what the future held. Brax kissed him desperately before pulling away and taking Ash's face in his hands.

"I can't be sorry I went to jail the first time," Brax said feverishly, maybe trying to justify what he was doing now. Trying to tell himself that taking the fall for something he didn't do was the right way to go. "We'd never have met if I didn't."

It wasn't.

"That doesn't help me now."

"I know," Brax said, smoothing his hands over Ash's hair, "I know."

"Please don't plead guilty. I can't stand for you not to fight. If you have to go back let it be because they got it wrong, not because you rolled over and let them take you." Brax huffed out a breath and stared at Ash for a moment with conflict burning in his eyes, but then he wrapped Ash up in his arms and pulled him close. Ash returned his embrace, both of them holding on so tight. Maybe hoping if they held on long enough they wouldn't have to be separated again.

"I'm scared," Brax admitted, whispering the words, his breath warm on Ash's ear.

"I know. So am I." Brax pulled back and searched his face. "We might not get another chance."

"I never thought I'd see you again," Brax apologised.

"I love you," Ash said easily, stating a simple truth. He didn't expect Brax to return the sentiment, and he certainly didn't want him to feel like he had to choose between himself and Ricky. So he pressed his mouth to Brax's before he thought he had to speak. Brax melted into it.

What came next was different to anything they'd shared before because this time they had complete privacy and double bed. Without the threat of a screw knocking on the door at any second to check on them, they took it slow and savoured every touch.

On the bed Ash straddled his former lover and took his time with Brax's buttons, because he _had _buttons he _could _take time with, not just that bloody prison green to get rid of as quickly as he could. Ash pressed a kiss to every new inch of skin he revealed, until the shirt was discarded completely. Brax pulled Ash's t-shirt off and licked his chest.

"I've missed this," Brax growled out, then he flipped Ash over and pressed him into the mattress.

"Me too." Ash reached up and took Brax's face in his hands. "Look at me while you fuck me. I want to remember your face."

Brax nodded and leaned down to crush his mouth in a bruising kiss.

xxx

Ash propped himself up on an elbow to look down at Brax's flushed face. It was a luxury to share a double bed with him just once, even if it was in a caravan it beat the hell out of a cramped prison bunk, or being pressed against a cold concrete wall.

"Ricky won't forgive me if I do this." Brax was talking about fighting the charge again.

"Maybe not, but I know you Brax, and you won't forgive yourself if you don't." Ash saw the truth of those words reflected in Brax's eyes. "I know she gives you something I can't," Ash went on, referring to the child that was growing inside of her, "but I have something to offer too. Unconditional love. No matter what comes next, whatever choice you make, I'll stick by you. And you don't have to worry about the kid. Whatever he needs, he'll have. I'll make sure of it."

Brax looked torn, Ash felt it too. From the pained look he received, Ash knew what Brax was thinking. What the kid needed was his father and Ash couldn't give him that. But anything else, the boy would have.

Brax wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him down for a slow, deep kiss. Ash rested his head on Brax's chest.

"If things had been different," Brax said pensively, trailing his fingers up and down Ash's arm, "I might've gotten used to this."

Dealing in what might've beens wasn't gonna help anyone. Ash turned his head and pressed his lips to Brax's chest before looking up at his face again.

"We aren't the kind of blokes who go down without a fight."

"We're not the type who let out families down either. I've stuffed up too many times already." Ash didn't know what to say to that. He knew what Brax meant, he'd stuffed up too, his guilt was damn near overwhelming at times. He wondered though if there was a way to fix this, a way to fight for Brax's family, and keep him out of prison.

"You've made your mind up then?"

"I think so. Let's not talk about it anymore. I just wanna enjoy this while we can."

"Okay," Ash agreed. He pushed himself up and kissed Brax's mouth, knowing this was probably the last time they'd be together for a very long time.

**AN: I wrote this because I can't stand the thought of Brax pleading guilty. I guess we'll find out tonight whether or not he listened to Ash... Thanks for reading.**


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